I’m part of a couple therapy groups in real life and on social media supporting family members and friends of people with mental illnesses. Someone posted some text messages between them and their borderline SO and for more than a moment I thought they were MY texts, I got those crazy stomach rushes like it was happening all over again. It feels good to know I’m not alone in this, to get guidance from other people who have experienced similar things. It’s so terrifying that their are mood disorders and diseases that make people split so hard they don’t understand reality anymore. I wish I could save everyone in the world from themselves. But my life would have been a lot easier from the start if I could just STOP doing that. I am who I am, and I just want to cocoon everyone in a bunch of love they don’t want. 😦 We do what we can I guess, but sometimes you can’t continue to love someone who has no sense of self without losing yourself in the process. I did lose myself, I became a totally mombie, night day and late nights, working nights. Essentially alone, and then abandoned. It’s been a long road but I’m glad I’m finding that woman again. I’m never letting anyone take her away again.
“In a world of haunting mirrors,
your eyes should have been closed.
Instead you lost your shadow,
to become, like them, a ghost.
Immersed within a mist of death,
you withered in the light
and left your disillusioned soul
to tremble in the night.
Look beyond the fear and take it back.
The contours of your spirit
make them black.
You just have to”